I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
