My liver just broke up with me...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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