Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
