i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
