I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
