she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
