Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
