hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
