I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
