If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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