4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
