Banned from zoo.
Again?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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