I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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