i was born a porn star she said
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
