I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
