last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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