I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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