I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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