he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think a kid would responsible me up
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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