I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
