he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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