So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
