dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Couch. On fire.
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