so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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