i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
