Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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