We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Randomize
