I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
