I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
