There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
