i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
