The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize