sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
