I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
