im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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