24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
