Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
3 2 1 whiskey
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
