Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
