i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we made out on top of his cat.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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