we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
