Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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