Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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