look no pants
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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