I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
