Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
