how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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