I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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