OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
