I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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