He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
