dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
