OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
