Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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