We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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