Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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