bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
