Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
