She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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