I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
