John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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