i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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