bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
