I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
