i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
