walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize