Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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