I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
