margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Someone shit on the floor
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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