if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
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