I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
