Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
