Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
