Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize