i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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