yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
