need another drink. this is the easiest way
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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