Porn is love you can see.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
