Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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