'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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