I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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