Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
time to smoke my breakfast
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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