That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
