Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
