Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize