Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
