You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
