Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He? As in you personified your dick?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
