Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
