My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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