I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
