I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
