There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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