I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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