your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
