Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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