I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
