You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
