afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
