Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
