the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
