I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
