Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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