I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just saw a hot homeless man
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
