just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
