When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
