you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
