Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
