And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
